This finalist in Scott Alexander's 2025 review contest examines how traditional paths to manhood have collapsed, leaving men adrift in contradictory expectations. The author categorizes the men she encounters while dating: those who've lost identity entirely, those following rigid plans, success-obsessed providers, men who've opted out completely, and those who've turned to toxic ideologies. She argues society needs new positive role models and concrete guidance for young men, rather than leaving them to find direction from extremist influencers